You can call me dumb or old fashioned but I just can’t seem to get used to the idea of talking to a recorded message. Today, I spent the better part of the morning having a unilateral conversation with CITIBANK‘s online banking services, dutifully following all the instructions, punching numbers hash signs and stars only to be told that all the information I had fed in was wrong.

Of course I know its wrong ! I want to make it right! And I need help!!! But obviously you don’t understand that . Do you? 

Citibank Sign from side (Photo credit: bruceg1001)

As it is I don’t have a great relationship with Citibank because I’ve noticed that every time the Sensex is about to crash, the relationship manager comes knocking on my door to sell me some funds that literally plummet the day my cheque is encashed. However, having sunk in a few thousand rupees and unwilling to pull out at a loss, I remain invested in the funds with the hope that one day they too will rise.

However, from time to time I have to interact with the bank  and each time I do,it is a painful experience indeed. Today for instance, I was responding to a notice sent via email that my cheque books had to conform to a certain format else the cheques would not be considered valid or encashable. So began the painful task of locating the account numbers and all relevant details pertaining to the accounts. Then, since I am the only person who communicates with the external world I began the task of going online and doing whatever could be done by me only to find that there was nothing I could do.

So I called the 24 hour on line banking service which very helpfully informed me that they couldn’t help me at all but I should either walk into the nearest branch office ( 5 miles is a long walk!) or then call up my relationship manager who happens to hang up his mobile phone and is unavailable on the landline.

What kind of customer care it this?

You can’t bank on any bank

And Citibank is not alone in its lackadaisical customer care. Courtesy flies out of the window the minute you open an account or finish a transaction of benefit to them. The other public sector bank I regularly bank with actually expects its customers to stamp their own cheques and put them in the drop box. They would happily let you take your own cheque around to the different officers required to authorise payment, tell you quite openly NOT to come to the bank but operate the ATM. In fact, one day, when there was a particuarly long queue for people waiting to DEPOSIT money, one bank official actually got annoyed that the long line was blocking the light , thereby preventing her from seeing her monitor and therefore, obstructing her work!!!!

Come, come I wanted to tell her, if it wasn’t for suckers like us who put their money in the bank, you wouldn’t be having a job at all, let alone doing it well or badly!

And with the virtual world taking over reality, one day we may find ourselves imagining that we are on this planet…………..

Remember a fool and his money are soon parted and you’re no fool are you?