• Last week was the final culmination of a series of events set in motion more than two years ago. Just as there are people who come into our lives to change it for the better there are others who come in like cyclones, wreaking havoc in their wake.  Such souls are veritable monsters, selfish unthinking devils, sent to cleanse our Karmic destinies so that we can start afresh in a new birth.

    What is amazing is how these destroyers of families simply refuse to accept the fact that their very presence is reason enough to set things in motion – in a downward spiral. Of course these persons shrug their shoulders with indifference and callousness disregarding any part they may have to play in some one else’s pain or sorrow saying ” well, you just deal with it and how am I to blame for your own actions or inactions.”

    Cryptic as this may sound, as parents with wounded souls and shattered dreams, both Hubby dear and I were on a suicidal mission. Since neither of us had any desire to live we let our health go to hell:  I have developed Angina and don’t know how and when my journey will end but last week my husband had a close call with a Transient Ischemic Attack. The persons responsible for setting things in motion are no doubt going to call me stupid, moronic, hysterical , irrational and idiotic for apportioning the blame on them but I would like them all to know and the entire Universe that  no matter how much they protest their innocence, I will always hold them responsible for destroying my life as I knew it.

    I also wish them well. You have your karmic destinies as I have mine. Be joyous in knowing that your happiness is based on my sorrow.

  • Telephone
    Telephone (Photo credit: plenty.r.)

    While growing up the only phone I knew was the one my friend Mona and I had strung up between our two balconies. Actually our balconies were close enough for us to talk to each other without shouting too much, but a science project which involved talking over two strung together paper cups got us excited beyond belief. So we spoke to each other for a bit over our home made telephone till the next science project caught our fancy.

    With a moribund economy strongly influenced by the Soviets, telephones in India were symbols of power and luxury. Apart from people in power and position, only the rich and famous had them. By the time I grew into adulthood, my father had become powerful enough to warrant a telephone so we had a government issue instrument and a connection which was tenuous at best so we spent the major part of the conversation asking the person at the other end if he could hear us!

    Then in the 80s the government had a scheme  (TATKAL) whereby you could get a phone by paying a sum of money to jump the queue. This was all very official and completely above board. So for a princely sum of Rs. 30,000 ( which I may add was quite astronomical those days) you could get a new connection  in 10 days after verifying your need to get one immediately rather than wait your turn which could take as long as a year or two!

    In what truly seems revolutionary time, telephones evolved into  the cordless instrument which Nimish Shah the Accounts tutor used to call the “walking phone”. Considering that most people used the instrument while pacing up and down, he was wrong to do so. However, the real evolution came with the MOBILE phone.

    Hubby dear was one of the first people I know who actually had a big black, bulky instrument, a shade better than the walkie talkies used by our police and other people who needed to control things remotely. The early mobile phone was a dinosaur in comparison  to today’s slick models. And it too was an indication of one’s power and importance.

    As the models got slimmer, the colours zanier and the features more complicated  phones started doubling up as cameras, radios and even as mini internet cafes. With every new innovation, the price zoomed up and it ultimately became such a status symbol that one had to literally by one every other month especially when every tradesman and his Uncle had one.

    Because of my early years of phone deprivation, I have a phobia for phones and consider them a gross violation of my privacy. Why do I have to be available at the other end of the line? At all times and for all people? Including the pesky wrong numbers? So for several years I stubbornly refused to get a phone till one of my children cast hers off in my direction. I of course insisted on getting the cheapest model largely because I had a camera to take photos, didn’t listen to the radio except when I was driving and had deep faith in my computer to connect me to the virual world. Besides not being a teenager, a working woman or a celebrity, I only needed the phone to call up the children to keep tabs on their whereabouts and figure out where they were by listening to background sounds, call up various tradesmen to enquire about certain services/products and most of all to call the driver when out shopping. In fact, he is #1 on my Speed Dial.

    So most of my phones have been cast off models courtesy the children who wouldn’t be caught dead with anything older than last week’s model. However, every phone has a life and last week just when I was about to get a new one, it fell out of my pocket. I realised this while we were on our way home in a bumpy auto rickshaw and my ever thrifty mother thought we should go back and look for it. But where? On the road? In the shop?

    I dropped the idea, preferring to go home and make a complaint to the service provider. Now my telephone connection is an adjunct of Hubby Dear’s so technically I need his every clearance to make a complaint regarding my phone. The next best option was to verify my identity and pass the security test. For some strange reason, the Service Providers have recorded the wrong date of birth and we always have a big fight over this. Luckily this time though they listened to my request for cancelling the subscription and within half an hour of losing the phone, my SIM card was de-activated.

    For two days I was blissfully disconnected from the world and would have happily preferred it that way but for the fact that I wouldn’t be able to Speed Dial the Driver when I went shopping for vegetables. So Hubby Dear took me more than readily to the Vodafone office where I was given a new SIM card within minutes! And for free!

    But that still didn’t solve my problem of being connected with the world. Most of my numbers were on the phone memory and not on the SIM. This meant that I had to actually physically find out all the phone numbers of my contacts and fill them in. So this morning while the rest of the world was sleeping, I looked up the old telephone directory. It was depressing to say the least . Half of the numbers were of people who were no longer in my life. Many were dead, many had out grown their purpose ( tuition teachers, children’s school friends, paediatricians, party organisers, ) while many numbers had changed.

    Is this a sign  for me to move on? To forget the people from my past and to fill my phone with numbers of Suicide Help lines, Ambulances, Last Rite Providers, Old Age homes and other such depressing information?

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  • Heart Broken

    This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda
     

    ‘Her laughter broke the silence’.

    It was an awkward moment if ever there was one. Priya was most reluctant to go to the party. Punam had insisted that she come. 
    “Please, please, please, you just have to come,” she begged. ” I will be in town for just those two days and I want to meet all my friends. I know it will be awkward for you but I can’t meet you alone.”
    It was a typical story  : Punam, Priya, Vivek and Ramesh had all been friends in college. For four years they were inseparable and were known as  ‘The Gang of Four’. They first met on the first day of college, each one scared and apprehensive. Medicine was a tough course and on their very first day they were made to spend four hours in the anatomy lab. It was strange – forty kids ( for that was what they were at 18) with twenty headless corpses. The first time the class entered the room, the bodies were covered but the strong smell of formalin was an indication of what might unravel in the first five minutes of class.
    ” Welcome to the real world, Class of 2004,” boomed the voice of Mr. Karegaonkar the Professor of Anatomy. ” Meet your best friend for the rest of the year.” The class which was divided into pairs, automatically looked at one another and were shocked when the professor yanked off the cloth on the first table to reveal a headless body! 
    There was an audible gasp as the boy closest to the table actually fainted. Three more screamed in fright while one boy actually threw up. It was only the four of them who remained unflinching and unaffected by this dramatic turn of events. ” So, you are the tough guys uh?” asked Karegaonkar, ” The Gang of Four, I see. Congratulations! You four have passed the first test. I wish you luck for the years ahead!”
    And that is how Punam, Priya, Vivek and Ramesh were christened the Gang of Four. And that is how they remained . Every morning they would co-ordinate their train journey so that they were all on the same train and in the same compartment, the girls preferring to travel in General just to be with the boys. They spent most of the time quizzing one another, sharing stories of patients seen and generally having a good time. And as expected, they also paired up : Punam and Vivek and Priya and Ramesh. Medical college romances are legend and many a doctor has met his/her spouse during some medical course – either during the under graduate or post graduate level. So it came as a real shock when Punam and Vivek went their separate ways after graduation. There was a lot of speculation about what caused the break up but no one dared ask either of them. Punam was famous for her cold, frosty looks while Vivek just laughed it off being too much of a gentleman to talk about his ex.
    Priya and Ramesh remained a couple and actually went to the US after their MLE’s and landed up cementing their relationship in a small wedding attended only by their families. They had of course invited both Vivek and Punam but neither of them could make it caught up as they were with their post graduate studies.
     Priya and Ramesh had had a tough time in the US and quite contrary to what they expected, found it difficult to make the trip back to India . Of course their families visited them in the US as did so many friends so the need to come back was even less. But now, after ten years, they finally found the time and the money to make a home visit. Besides, they also wanted their four  year old son to see the land of his parents’ birth.
    Punam was keen on seeing Jason, Priya’s little son. He looked so cute in the hundreds of photos Priya had put up of him on Facebook. She had last seen him when he was just one, when Punam had gone specially to Minneapolis for his birthday.There was a special conference she was attending and she spent four nights with her dear friends rather than stay in the hotel. 
    “What the hell, ” she thought, ” I can’t act like such a baby! This was bound to happen sometime. I have avoided him for ten years now………I can’t really avoid him forever can I?” she reasoned with herself, building up Dutch courage.
    She took special care that evening , actually going to the parlour to get her hair done. She had spent 24 hours on call and was looking quite a wreck. She did her nails, pulled out her best sari, sprayed half a bottle of ‘Chanel No.5’. “Bring out the mattresses, Vivek Kapoor, ” she said as she eyed herself for that one last glance in the mirror. 
    For the last forty yards to Priya’s house, Punam could actually hear her heart beat faster. Priya began to take deep breaths like she used to advise her patients before any procedure. ” Calm yourself, breathe in, breathe out, slow and gentle,” while her tachycardia seemed to increase with a mind of its own.
    Slowly she stepped inside the room, torn between the desire to run away and hug her friend. “Stop behaving like a moron, ” she told herself . 
    “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” squealed Priya in warm welcome and embraced her friend in a warm rib crushing bear hug. ” I’m so, so glad you’ve come! See, beta, meet your Auntie Punam my very bestest friend,” she said introducing Jason to her. 
    ” Hi, ” said Jason with a shy smile, ” you smell nice.” 
    “So buddy, you made it hunh?” asked Ramesh giving Punam an equally warm hug. ” I’m really happy you made it.” Within seconds the three of them were back as they always were, seamlessly falling back into the old pattern as if there never was a gap. Two drinks later, Punam was giggling like a school girl. Ramesh and Priya had tonnes of stories to share as did Punam. There were lots of other people too, almost like a college reunion she thought looking at all the other doctors in the room. Everyone was talking all at once trying to cram in the past ten years in one day. Some of the students had not met for years and there was a lot of catching up to do. Someone pulled aside the sofas making room for an impromptu dance floor which came alive with gyrating bodies dancing to the loud pulsating music;  glasses clinked, toasts were raised, squeals of delight, guffaws of laughter – it was a happy noise that filled the air. Suddenly the room fell silent. It was as if some one had said “Statue” and frozen everyone into immobility. The hair on her arm stood up and Punam knew instinctively that Vivek had entered the room. All eyes slowly turned towards her. She was flushed with the exertion of dancing having been twirled round and round.

    She looked up and laughed hysterically, her laughter breaking the silence.

    “Good to see you my friend,” she said walking towards him holding out her hand. Before he could grasp it she fell in a heap. There was a rush as all the doctors went forward to see what had happened.

    ” Call the ambulance quick,” Priya said while someone already had punched the numbers. The men lifted Punam’s limp body to the sofa and tried to give her air. Her pulse was slowly falling and by the time the ambulance came she was pronounced dead.

    Vivek cradled her head in his arms and broke down as he said ” Oh Punam why did you leave me so?” and shook his head.

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