Be with me

“Be with me,” I said to my 60 year old mother.

I am not disabled or sick; I’m a perfectly healthy 35 year old, recovering from a traumatic personal event, who has moved back to my childhood home. I was rushing in and out of the house as I looked for jobs, squeezed in a gym class and played with my daughter.

Despite living in the same house as my mother, I rarely spoke to her.

By asking her to “be with me”, as I got ready in the morning, I could chat with her. For 10 or 15 minutes. Catch up. Ask her how her day was looking; check in with the mundane yet important points of daily life.

We used to hear our father say this to our mother all the time. And we used to snigger. Why would a grown man want her to sit outside the bath and chat?

But as a working adult, I understand why. We all need someone to listen to us. To ask us how our day went. To be with us.

As I reflect on what has got me through this time – and allowed me to find joy and peace, it is that she was with me. She listened when I rehashed the same story a hundred times. She listened when I cried. She celebrated the small wins.

As we wind down 2018, I’m so grateful for her, and my entire family. Who was there for me. I hope everyone has someone who is there for them. To be with them. That is my wish for 2019. And to end, here is a poem on the topic:

“I’ll Be There for you”

“I’ll be there, my darling, through thick and through thin

When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin

When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.

When life is just threatening to drive you insane

When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page

When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age

When your coffee’s too cool, and your win is too warm

When the forecast said, “fine”, but you’re out in a storm

When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum

And your holiday photos show only your thumb

When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay

And return to discover you’ve been towed away

When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste

Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist

When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes

When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes

So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…

When you break a rule, when you act the fool

When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew

When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue

’cause I’m telling you, I”ll be there.”

                                                              by Louise Cuddon