There are families

Today is International Family Day. So happy family day to all the families.

When I was growing up, I didn’t know that I came from a nuclear family. I only knew that I had my parents and my brother. Sometimes we stayed at my granny’s who had her other children staying with her. So that became our ‘extended family’. We also had family on both sides so we had a maternal family as well as a paternal family.

Oftentimes, when we went on holiday to one set of grandparents, we met cousins of our cousins who also became our family.

Because of our itinerant lifestyle, our friends and their families became our families too. We still maintain these bonds long after our fathers’ transferable jobs came to an end.

And this was family as far as I knew it.

and families

I got married I realised that there is another kind of family that is a Joint family. The Indian Joint Family is an intergenerational family where three generations live together under one roof. Sometimes it is a single line of descent while at other times it can consist of several brothers living under the same roof as their parent’s with their nuclear families.

As late as COVID, when the Little Ones were doing school on Zoom calls, I realised there were more families: Single-parent families, adopted families, and families with two daddies or two mummies

Truly there are all kinds of fmilies.

the family that eats together

When I was in school, I was fascinated by my classmate’s family, which consisted of six cousins who would pile into one car and come to school from the far-off suburbs. In the afternoon, an aunt from the extended family who lived in town would send these six and her own two children a basket full of hot lunch that would leave the dry lunch eaters filled with envy.

It is said that the family that eats together stays together. But it isn’t always the case that the family eats the same food at the same time.

In our case, the family eats together, but not necessarily the same food. The time slot can also vary with the little dawdlers starting ahead, so that we could all finish together.

And especially since food is now eaten as portions and nutrients, each one of us has different proteins (plant based, red, white, etc). We have different fats too – Olive oil, cold pressed, unrefined, poly unsaturated etc etc.) If there is no unanimity on oil and protein, there is hardly any uniformity in carbohydrates, grains, pulses, vegetables and fruit!

Having said that we are foodies and even before the meal is over we’re thinking of the next one.

The family that prays together

Hindu tradition demands that the family demands that the family get together before the families deities kept in a special place or special room, at sunset and light the lamp together. In some families the children say the prayers, other families have the patriarch or matriarch lead the prayers.

In our families, we have different idols in the prayer room and we only pray together on special occasions like Ganpati or Diwali. And we only remember the Family Deity at special ceremonies when asked to by the officiating priest.

The rest of us pray to our own favourite Gods at different times of the day

the family that sticks together

I think my family, no matter how different we may be from each other and other families, are still family because we always laugh together, whine together and are there for each other when needed.

Several years ago, despite being mired in a vicious family feud, I went to help a cousin in need. I suppose that’s what family is all about.

A point to note

When I got married all those years ago, my mother-in-law told me that she would give me a medal if I remembered all the people that made up my new family: my father-in-law was one of six siblings. There mother was the eldest of seven sisters and each of her sisters had three-four children and each of them had 2-3 children themselves. My mother-in-law was one of four with each sibling having two children each ( on an average). Her mother had seven siblings and her father had one sibling with five children.

And this is only my husband’s side. of the family. My own parents were one of 4 siblings who also came from a passel of kids.

You do the maths. It was a huge number, growing ever more with newer additions of spouses and newborns.

Now, alas, the family is shrinking with each branch surrendering their newer generations to greener pastures overseas, some choosing to remain unmarried, some choosing not to have children, and some having crossed over to the other side.

But for those who are lucky to be blessed with family, wishing all of you a Happy Families Day. Cherish the day and your family relationships.

Ciao