Twenty- five Seven

Lessons shared

March 2, 2013

After a pretty harrowing week I finally found something in my mail box that made me smile.

I just had to share this session of old management lessons with everyone. I wonder how many of my school friends would remember the Lessons that were read out to us during Assembly which always ended so :
Thus endeth the lesson, the most awaited words in the whole assembly.

Enjoy!

Lesson 1 :
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg…
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologised ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 2 :
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk.. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’ Poof! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. It’s full of nutrients.’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Highs and Lows

February 27, 2013

I’ve been really very very busy these past few days which have gone by in a whirl………..

I was part of a wedding sangeet and danced for the very first time on stage in front of a hundred people. I am not really one for song and dance though I enjoy both immensely in the privacy of my room and I was shocked that I went through the whole routine with not a trace of stage fright and loving every moment of the wiggling and jiggling! I am seriously considering taking a Bollywood dance class once a week

The wedding that I attended was a simply stupendous affair with the hosts doing everything to make their guests comfortable right from personally receiving us at the airport to welcoming us with marigold garlands, chocolates and the traditional “tikka”. Our welcome lunch was a lavish Champagne brunch set out under canopies scattered over a grassy lawn. After a quick siesta, we were driven across to a palace in the city where we were given a right royal welcome with drummer boys announcing our entry, girls showering us with rose petals and kilted bagpipers entertaining us in the outer courtyard. Once we entered the main courtyard we were transported to another fairy land with lights and candles and floral pathways. There was a palpable energy which was translated to the high level performances of the family and friends of the groom and bride. The DJ who actually had a pulse on the crowd got everyone on the dance floor even the bride’s normally reticent father!

The next morning we woke up to a leisurely breakfast followed by an equally lazy lunch before setting off in festooned boats to the wedding venue in the middle of the lake. Once again the magic was recreated with stunning floral arrangements ( peacocks made with white orchids) and as the bride and groom exchanged vows with the setting sun in the back ground, there was not a dry eye in the crowd. But weddings are happy occasions and as soon as the couple went round the fire, the bar was open and the crowd was ready to party yet once again……..I simply loved this destination wedding. The food was lavish, the events well planned and the guests happy.

But festivities have to come to an end and reality raised its ugly head with Hubby Dear having a dizzy spell and the spectre of another TIA looming in the shadows yet again………….
iPad woes

February 16, 2013
Call me dumb but I must be one of the few people who haven’t fallen in love with my iPad. In fact I am seriously finding this one gadget that has increased my stress levels.

All those years ago when computers were just about making their way into people’s homes, I remember my five year old niece from America asking me what I wanted a computer for. At that time I was quite aghast at her effrontery especially since she had just got herself gifted a PC by her indulgent father. So when I told her that I wanted one to place my trusty old typewriter, she just sniffed in condescension .

However, I persisted in my demand, as I persisted in my learning and I’m pleased and proud to say that I mastered this technology all on my own. Of course it helped that I asked around for help from time to time and adopted the strategy of a teenage boy – go ahead and tinker with whatever you want; after all when things go wrong Dad picks up the tab! While my Dad did not pick up the tab, this attitude of being young and fearless helped me attain a proficiency in a technology few of my generation or gender have managed without any formal training.

Thus, having considered myself to be a genius of sorts, I find it completely frustrating to use an iPad .
- The Internet is not always easily accessible : at least the signal is not always strong. I live almost 500 m away from the MTNL building yet find it hard to get Network. I find a similar problem with wifi.
- Typing on a touch pad is extremely frustrating for someone like me who likes to hear the tap tap of keys
- Navigating the screen is another problem with my fat fingers not synchronising with the screen. Unlike the old fashioned key board with its up and down keys, I find it hard to go back and forth in a document .
- I can’t connect to Zemanta and find the iPad very inconvenient for Blogging.
- I hate the idea of downloading apps. I mean if every time you want to do something you have to down load it does become inconvenient especially when some applications require wifi for downloading! This I find extremely frustrating especially since my service provider doesn’t supply wifi. This means that I have to lug my iPad to a place which allows wifi.
- Since I don’t listen to music or watch movies, I find no real use for these functions.
- Similarly, I find it cumbersome to point my iPad and shoot! Moreover when the photos are not all that great.
- I find the iPad not very convenient to carry around either. It is not that small to fit in a small bag and it is too delicate to carry just as it is.
- And since it can’t be used as a phone it is not multi functional either.
So I really wonder of what use is the iPad to me?

A word of caution to all those wanting to “upgrade” to this technology – be absolutely sure you want this gizmo. You are better off with a Notebook or Tablet if you just want to type and as for photographs and music and movies – you can’t really replace the camera, the music system and of course the big screen movie experience.